Know your limits
Angelic Soul Coach and Cosmic Alchemist Alexandra Wenman shares her top 10 tips for how healers and therapists can maintain healthy boundaries and why it’s so important for both ourselves and our clients
Having worked as an angel healer, channel and holistic therapist since 2008, these are just a few of the important things I have learnt along the way about protecting my space, and honouring both myself and my clients. Each of these tips has really helped me keep my own energy levels high, allowed me to stay grounded and centred, and ensured that I am giving my clients the highest level of divine service I am capable of when they come to me for a session or workshop.
These are just suggestions, and you can add to this list or omit where necessary, but the idea is that you make sure that you are taking care of yourself and your own needs as well as those of your recipients. It’s very easy for us, as healers, to give out so much of our own energy and I know I have, at times, experienced periods of total overwhelm and exhaustion as a result. I’ve learnt one too many very tough lessons in having safe and healthy boundaries and so I felt I would share my personal checklist in case it can help you, too.
1) Love yourself
Self-love must come first. If we aren’t treating ourselves with love and respect, how can we do the same for our clients? The more love and compassion you can give to yourself, the more you will have to share. You are far more effective as a healer when your energy levels are at optimum. Putting yourself and your needs first isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. So be kind to you.
2) It’s OK to say ‘no’.
You don’t always say ‘yes’ to children – sometimes it’s in their highest interest for you to say ‘no’ with compassion. Equally, when you aren’t constantly on hand to help or give advice, it can actually empower the other person to find the answers within themselves. We aren’t here to rescue people and having that expectation put on you can be very draining. Say no with love when you feel you need to, speak your truth, and I guarantee the other person will thank you for it. If they don’t, perhaps it is a lesson they still need to learn. Either way, you are doing both them and yourself a disservice if you say yes when you really want to say no. Likewise, if you feel that you aren’t the right healer for someone, don’t be afraid to refer them on to someone you think may be better suited to their needs.
3) We aren’t here to ‘fix’ people
A healer is not here to wave a magic wand and make people’s problems just go away. We are merely facilitators to help others take responsibility for their own healing journey. Don’t let people put unrealistic expectations on you and be clear from the start that you are here to help them tap into their own inner power so they can heal themselves.
4) Surrender the outcome
When we hold on to the expectation of an outcome, we can often block the solution or the miracle from appearing in our lives, or the lives of our clients. Surrender the outcome to the divine for the highest possible outcome to manifest. This way, you are releasing any stress or expectation from yourself and opening the way for deeper healing on all levels.
5) Value yourself and your work
Be honest about your own needs when setting your prices and make sure you are valuing the work you do and who you are. Volunteer work is excellent, but not if you are giving away everything for free and not able to support yourself financially. If you struggle with charging money for spiritual work, perhaps thinking about seeing a therapist who specialises in clearing limiting beliefs and contracts might help. Many lightworkers have made oaths and vows of poverty or been persecuted in past lifetimes, so it’s important to clear those issues so you can move forward with grace and ease and do the work you came here to do.
6) Honour your own time
Have set working hours and don’t allow people to phone or text you for advice or help outside of those hours or outside of session times. If you must take calls outside of session times, perhaps have a 10min limit so the person isn’t keeping you on the phone for hours and effectively getting a free session out of you. Likewise, don’t be afraid to cut the call short and ask them to book a session if they would like more help on the topic. As empaths who want to help, it can be difficult for us to do this, but ultimately it will be far healthier for both of you and your client will respect you for it. Likewise, if someone is lingering too long after a session and won’t leave within the agreed time limit, do not be afraid to inform them that you will have to charge them more if they want to extend the session. Your time is valuable and, again, it’s healthier for both of you if you aren’t being drained energetically. Again, this is not selfish. You would’t ask your lawyer or accountant for a free appointment, would you?
7) Healer heal thyself
Take responsibility for your own healing journey. The more clear your own channel, the better able you are to help others keep theirs clear. Have regular healing sessions or do swaps with other therapists so there is an equal exchange of energy as well. When you are feeling fresh and clear, you will enjoy helping others more, too.
8) We aren’t gurus
We are not here to disempower others by telling them what to do or how to live. We are merely here as examples and facilitators to help others awaken and find their own true path and calling. Empower others to empower themselves and see everyone as an equal. We are all at the right place on our path, so, likewise, don’t judge others if they are not as spiritually ‘advanced’ as you think yourself to be. We are never going to know it all in this lifetime, so keep your sense of wonder and understand that you are still learning too.
9) Don’t slip into co-dependence
In my own experience, I have often been tempted to call upon my skills as a healer / therapist when trying to help my friends or family members. One particular friend I had known since childhood became quite fixated on me and decided that I was going to be her rescuer. Ever the empath, I just wanted to help and threw myself into that very role. But it soon became apparent that she had no desire to actually heal herself and was trapped in a cycle of trauma and victimhood as, on some level, it was serving her. Eventually, she became quite aggressive and verbally abusive when I tried to lovingly distance myself and, sadly, I had to cut all contact. I later discovered this was a classic case of co-dependence that I had been trapped in with this person since the age of 4 years old.
I am now much more aware of how my tendency to help others can be taken advantage of and I keep my boundary in check at all times. Friends have often asked me for healing sessions without expecting to pay, but I soon find that when I tell them my fee, they suddenly no longer wish to book a session. This suits me just fine and doesn’t mean I am not there for my friends when they need a friendly shoulder to cry on, but I just don’t do go into full therapist mode and merely give my honest opinion in the same way any friend would for me if I needed support. I am now able to trust that everyone has the tools to heal themselves within them and it can be much more empowering if I actually step back and don’t try to become the rescuer.
10) The same goes for spiritual boundaries
I cannot extol the virtues of cleansing and dedicating your space enough. Spiritual hygiene and creating a sacred space is so important for the work we do. I always cleanse my space before and after sessions and workshops. Just like I wouldn’t want to deal with a nasty or unkind person in my daily life, I do not want to deal with any energies that are less than loving and divine in my healing work. Again, if a client comes to you and you do not feel comfortable working with them or you don’t feel you are the right person to help, do not be afraid to say no. I recently had to refer on a client who had some particularly nasty spirit attachments and, while I can do spirit release work, I was not equipped to handle this one. But I got to see, first hand, just how protected I was and my space was due to the cleansing and protection I had done in preparation for the session. It’s also important not to go into fear around topics like this, but taking some responsibility and a respectful approach will ensure you are honouring your boundaries and those of your client.
For more information on Alexandra’s work or to book a session, visit alexandrawenman.com or email email@example.com